Tonight I just wanted to sleep alone
each touch of skin and furtive blanket movement
nails across the blackboard
of my sleep.
Sometimes I pray because I don’t know what else to do
then drive myself crazy till sunset.
Freed prisoners will commit a crime
to return to the solace of jail.
I’ve been listening to music by dead people
hoping to set their souls at ease
though it might be because there’s nothing
I want to listen to.
Tonight I am having trouble surrendering
to the night, my body quaking
with each wave of thought, unable to disconnect
from the maelstrom of my head
How I wish for something diagnosable
The ability to put a limit to my problems, say this is it
draw a box around them
then step outside it
G-d just seems to never want tonight to end
I open the blinds to the field of unblinking stars
Wondering what happens if I start walking among them
and don’t stop till I reach what comes next
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Image from page 138 of The call of the stars; a popular introduction to a knowledge of the starry skies with their romance and legend (1919)
