I read somewhere that the first step to getting what you want out of life is to state your intentions. Since I don’t always know what exactly it is I want, I often ask other people about their goals. They answer things like “to lose 15 lbs, or to get a degree in Psychology, or to find a more secure job or finally get the courage to talk to that cute boy at Starbucks.”
You know, normal aspirations that, with a little luck and a lot of work, are quite achievable.
So, I smile and nod and offer up a few realistic sounding goals of my own.
“Oh you know, I’ve always dreamt of publishing a book, or being in good enough shape that I can run a mile without needing CPR afterwards, or organizing the basement so we can really make use of the space.”
And, sure, those are nice things. Things I’d probably be proud to achieve. But, if I’m honest…. Brutally honest. Those aren’t what my real goals are.
A real list of my goals would go something like this:
To always be in love
To find hidden rabbit holes and secret passageways
To be around weird people doing gloriously weird things
To have the courage to dance wherever and whenever the spirit moves me
To laugh so hard and for so long every day, that my cheeks ache and my insides shimmy shake
To cry with such strength, that all the bits of anger or sorrowful residue my heart has collected over the years come pouring out of me in one satisfying whoooooooooooosh
To slide into the lives of the characters I fall in love with in books or movies or passing by on the street
To do a million little acts of kindness that set off a chain of events that turns the whole world into one big love fest
To have terribly dangerous adventures that always end with a bowl of warm tomato soup and strawberry soda with my loyal travel companions
To hug so hard and for so long that my Neshama bursts right out of my skin and does a happy dance with yours
To look past the titles and clothes and tired eyes of strangers and wink right at their hearts. And have them wink right back.
To feel completely, utterly free, yet also safe and unconditionally loved
To find music that matches the frequency of my heart waves so accurately that I slip right into the melody for weeks, months, years even
To travel to remote locations, eating exotic foods and sleeping under a starry sky
To never have to make small talk again
To find just the right words to touch your soul, yes… YOU! So that you’ll experience the very essence of me with such depth and profundity that you can’t help but fall in love
To shed my rules and boundaries and walls and skin and bones and rise up up up to a higher spiritual plane of existence where I dance with the stars and sing with the angels.
But, what do you do with a list like this? Are there steps you can take to achieve them? Is there some sort of self-help book I can buy that will make it easier? How do I even talk to people about these things without looking like a madwoman? Am I, in fact, a madwoman?
I’m not sure. My guess is that the kinds of things I want cannot be achieved by reading books or following a series of steps.