The Weirdest Modest Clothes on Amazon

And by weird, I mean awesome. It was this jacket that led me down the rabbit hole of this article:

It’s a battery-powered faux fur jacket. And, well, it’s full coverage. Your mother might not like it; your bubbie might laugh at it; people in Boro Park might think you are on crack — but there is no denying that this $59 light-up jacket covers the collar bones, and then some. It got me wondering: What other treasures are hidden on Amazon?

A-line Mid-calf Skirts

THE DONUT SKIRTIt’s mid-calf. The a-line cut is feminine but not tight. And it happens to be digitally printed with donuts. There are 20 different kinds of donuts on this skirt. They don’t even have 20 different kinds of donuts at Gombo’s.


FISH SCALE SKIRT: Show your enthusiam for kosher species by wearing this “soft elastic” fish scale print skirt. Last Purim, my family was a school of fish and I genuinely wish I had known about this skirt then.


LEOPARD PRINT FLARED SKIRTIt’s pleated. They have this same skirt at Elzees in black. But why wear black when you can wear leopard print?

Fun Long-sleeved T-shirts

I PLAN, G-D LAUGHS SHIRTThis shirt is a recipe for bad mazal. It’s a segula for inconvenience. Or maybe it’s a true declation of bittul and belief in divine providence. I guess it depends on the person who wears it. Is it the person, or is it the intention? Can a lady wear this shirt with the wrong kavana, but then do teshuva? This shirt brings up enough questions that your Local Orthodox Rabbi could teach an entire semester-long lecture series on it.

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SUN’S OUT GUNS OUT SHIRTMaybe we should test out my theory that if Jewish women all walked around wearing armed muskets, anti-semitism would die out.

More, More, More!


COLOR BLOCK POLO NIGHTGOWNGirls, this is your Shabbos robe for when you’re hosting Shabbos lunch on a golf course and the salad course consists of martinis.


STAR WARS SNOOD: I pity the fool who calls this a “surgical cap”. Any woman who has ever dipped in a mikvah knows that this is a snood.


GLITTER SHRUG: Turn any T-shirt into a modest shirt with this glitter shrug. Whether you are channeling your inner mermaid or are the mother of the bride, this glitter shrug is your secret weapon. And if you are me, you might wear it to Empire Kosher on a Tuesday.

If you liked this, read These 20 Stock Photos of Jews Will Make You Cringe