Today I’m losing my mind and it’s not the first time
Only this time I think it might be normal
Like when a vet says they have PTSD and you think
How could you not?
Today I’m crying before bed
And I’m not sure if it’s because of some guy who didn’t text
Or because it’s 30 minutes past my bedtime
Or because someone was killed a mile away
Today I miss home
I thought I made a new one in Israel
A false promise I made to myself
A thank you card I wrote but never sent
I was wrong to feel safe here
Today someone was stabbed
And I bought silver napkins and flowers for the vort of a 20 year old
And 3 dresses because the sales were just that good
And then there were 3 attacks in 2 hours
The bus driver who told you shrugged and said “only one dead”
I thought we didn’t need hashtags to make lives matter in this country?
Today I stopped playing the video game
I dropped the controller because the mad dog came leaping out of the screen
And spoke quietly at me, while pushing my face against the glass
You thought it was a game?
You thought it was fun? You thought you could simcha your way out of this mess?
You thought Adar was going to save this day? You thought this rouse of a homeland was real?
You fool he says, you little white girl of a believer. You can’t make the sunrise and you’ll never be home here.
Because today you’re losing your mind and it’s just your first time, it’s just PTSD in the making
Today a man was stabbed in the back, pulled it out and the guy and you bled out everywhere
onto the floor of the bus
on the dresses and over the flowers
No one else seemed to notice the deadness
The redness
stains soaking in
And you wondered how not to let your heart break every time
And the baby in the back
Eyes wide
just stared at you, as if to say
how could you not?
