Should All Our Dreams Come True?

I am bound by my dreams
and wishes

see
while I live in this world, held by this space
and my feet drag the ground

my mind is abuzz
heart longing
for what I
wish for.

I wish I was thinner
or
at least as thin as I was
when I was
happy.

(I wish I didn’t care how thin I
was.)

I wish I was always calm
centered
knew just how to maintain
that equilibrium that
always escapes me

relaaaaaaaax, yocheved.

I wish I could tolerate hugs that were just a little bit longer
just a little tighter
even though you just want someone
who’s a bit more
affectionate.

I wish I kept my cool so much better than I do
at least that time
that I really hurt
you.

(I wish I was a better faker.)

I wish I could be a better mom
knew just how to be with my kids
masterful educator
discipliner
cooker
washer
shopper
whisperer of sweet nothings that blow wind into your sails…

I wish I didn’t get so angry

why do I feel like I am constantly damaging them?

I wish I internalized all those self-help books.
(Yes Brene Brown, I feel shame.)

I wish i was always perfectly coiffed
with done up nails,
perfectly arched eyebrows,
a natural face of smudge-free make up,
no blackheads
no lines
no white hair
no cellulite
no doubt.

I wish I could express my love better.

I wish I was the kind of mom who was always prepared
with diapers, and wipes, and snacks, and a change of clothes, and everything else
a child might need
during the time
we are out.

I wish I had more time for my friends. I miss them.

I wish I was a better daughter
to my parents
when I was younger
and resisting was so
painful.

I wish I didn’t procrastinate so much.

I wish I remembered myself more as a child

to sit with that little girl and
ask her
her favorite color
her first memory
her fears
and what she wants to be when she grows up.

I wish I recorded every blissful moment in my life
so I knew
it was
real.

I wish
as I stood on the edge of
Liberation
my personal
Exodus

I could let go
of every damn dream
every last freakin wish

and just be.

my only wish

for real

freedom

at last.