Home

is there a loving home out there somewhere?
or is it this very air I breathe?
is there any quest at all,
or just sinking deeper into the waters of peace?

when will I stop trying to grow?
to wake, to sleep
to heal, to control
to let go

where does all my love go in this world of action?
when will I hold my dreams but not my breath?

when will the feminine unite with the masculine
the action with the inaction
when will there be a melding of this harsh divide
of gender roles, of time, space, inside and outside,
night and day, moon and sun
when will daybreak laugh the night away, and sunset kiss the day goodbye
when will they remain distinct but embracing
saturating each other fully
giving birth to a new dance?

maybe one day my heart will rest in God’s home
or His heart in my home
maybe some day God’s abode will suffice for me too
maybe one day I’ll tell everyone how much I love them

maybe one day Jerusalem will expand to fill the whole world
and that unlimited energy of loving God
will flow through me
peacefully, humbly, unceasingly
transparently infinite

my spirit arising in fire
bursting out of the holy waters of infinite Being
that soothing balm
that drowns me in deafening silence

where is the fire of my inception,
the Bereishit – the Brit Eish – the covenant with fire
that passion that begins the journey

can you rebuild Your Holy Temple with the flame of love?
that one that loves You
by loving life unconditionally
the people, sights, smells
exactly as You appear to me
every day in its new revelation
of silence and of noise

to love Your messy, transformative, creative
erratic world
not just my own steady heartbeat
to locate an essence separate from pain
and expand from there

maybe one day my body will work while my soul rests
finding a home in this world of action
saturated and sustained
not punctuated
by the peaceful breaths
unified in the Giver of all Life

maybe one day I’ll go through my whole day feeling God’s peace
pervading all new and old excitements and frustrations
all building and learning, creation and progress, and roadblocks
all with infinite ease

and the end of the day won’t find me perplexed
wondering why I was yet again dragged a million miles from home,
fighting the whole way, begging to be released
why I spent the day wandering in strangers’ fields,
sighing like the actor who can finally remove the mask after the curtains close

maybe one day when the curtain goes down I’ll celebrate the performance
that brought smiles to those beautiful faces in the audience, and even to my own
and gleefully start painting my next mask

maybe one day I will travel peacefully in a world I call home
and all travel will be within the gates of God
illumined by the light of the Holy Temple
and no one will have to fight to call Jerusalem their own

maybe some day I’ll go home