Behind The Mechitza

The men are dancing
But I am watching
Standing
Waiting to leave
Needing more
Each year on Simchat Torah

Mechitza
Away
Apart
Alone
Why bother at all?

My baby
He’s with my husband
Dancing high
Did I see him smiling?
My baby is laughing and reaching up
Up
To shomayim
His hands are reaching
Higher to touch the talit and I am watching

My husband’s eyes meet mine
Opposite the mechitza
The men are singing
Dancing
I am watching
My baby is laughing
My husband is crying
We are remembering
Feeling without
Without our baby
Or a pregnancy at all

Feeling forgotten
Dancing
Crying
Watching
Loss
Forgotten by G-d

Praying
Wanting
Crying
Wishing
Dancing
Watching
Without

The men raise the talit
My baby reaches high
He laughs with my husband
I am watching and I cry
I too am laughing
Watching
Remembering
Seeing
Appreciating
Thanking
Amen

Photo by Mario Azzi on Unsplash