Upon Learning Sherman Alexie, Too. . .

1. I have no faith in man. As a man, I rescind my faith in man. Can I rescind what I do not have? I rescind what I do not have so as to not have it in the future. I rescind the possibility.

2. In the sling shot, sun high season of feasting dragonflies and diaphanous butterflies, two o’clock sidewalk shadow plays depict the exacting flight of need and the recklessness of whimsy.

3. It is our nature to mess up. These beautiful bugs have no idea.

4. We confuse need and whimsy and people get hurt. Broken people are breaking people. Nothing gold heals the cracks, we are not vases. We are not more beautiful or more whole in our brokenness. We are not whole breaking others. We are not whole.

5. I am not whole. But I am not breaking others to make them as broken as I am to even the world to even the score because my broken parts are not your broken parts because there is no precision in the breaking, the ever breaking soul.

6. Sherman Alexie, you write of damage, of being broken and fixed, of being weak and human, of being victim and asshole. All these women. Your lies became truth, your truth became their pain. As you raise them with words, you erase them with deeds. Sherman Alexie, you ought to know what Camus tells us: “After a certain age, every man is responsible for his own face.”

7. I read the allegations against you and cover my face.

8. I don’t have any heroes. Your memoir opened my heart like a Torah scroll and deciphered deeper understandings of myself.

9. He’s just a man. A weak man.

10. I have faith in the invisible, the unprovable, the illogical logic of faith.

11. I don’t have any heroes.

12. For now, I cover my face and let the shadows play unseen.

 

 

 

Photo by Tom Sodoge.